stressedddd

I singlehandedly ruined my driving record in about thirty seconds today... Apparently just by CALLING Geico to ask them a hypothetical question I was forced to file a claim about the damage done when I hit that tire iron on I-70. I called them (no agent, mind you. just a call center...) to ask if it would be considered comprehensive (good) or collision (bad) and as it turns out it is what's considered at-fault collision because I hit an inanimate object and not an animal. Once the dude told me that, I wanted to cancel the claim, but it was way too late. So I went ahead and filed the claim, and then I called my mom to tell her that I had done so. She said that I shouldn't have done that (even though my DAD is the one who told me to call them in the first place!) and that she would have just paid the extra $200 (cost minus deductible) instead of having me file a claim on my insurance. I was furious at this point, because if I hadn't called them, and she would have just paid to have it fixed, I wouldn't have any claims on my insurance record. Before this, I had a completely clean driving record (as far as insurance goes...), but now, all because I called to ask a HYPOTHETICAL question, I will be stuck with this claim on my insurance for three to four years. So then I decided to try to call them back and UNfile the claim. It didn't work. They closed the claim, which means they aren't going to pay out any money to us, but it will still be on my record for the next few years. Which means my rate may go up because of it, and if I try to switch insurance companies any time until then they will see that I filed a claim. It's so upsetting... If I had an actual agent (which Geico does not have...) I feel like this would have been prevented. I feel like the agent and I would have some kind of camaraderie and he would have told me NOT to file this claim. But oh well, I guess...

On a happier note, I have a clerical exam for the City of Columbia tomorrow. After I take this exam I can apply for a position in the city prosecutor's office, and I am really getting excited about it. My mom and I worked on the application and my resume/cover letter for a while tonight, and I hope it impresses them. I am going to the HR department to take the exam tomorrow, so hopefully I'm charming enough for them to remember me. I do have some reservations though... For starters, I'm scared the HR people are going to write me off right away because I look like I'm 18. I hope they have enough sense to read the Equal Opportunity page of the application and see that I'm actually 23. Also, I'm scared the person who administers the test is going to be a bitch, or super intimidating, or rude. Thirdly, I know I am going to have to take Xanax before I go up there so I don't barf on anyone or anything, but I feel like there is a fine line between being relaxed and being comatose. I'm scared if I don't take enough I will be hella nervous, but if I take too much I will be useless on the exam.

On top of trying to deal with my car and trying to get ready for this exam, we are packing to move this weekend. This weekend is going to be a total mess, because we have to be out of our current place on Sunday morning but can't move into our new place until Monday. So we have to stay in a hotel Sunday night, with Sam. I hope he's quiet and doesn't get us kicked out... Also, since our stuff will be in a moving truck for two days, I have to pack everything that might melt or get ruined in the heat in a huge suitcase and bring it inside the hotel with us. Plus, we don't have any help for Monday, so the only muscle we have is David. I really hope we can come up with some help by then, because I'm completely useless when it comes to carrying heavy things, especially with POTS and especially in 100+ heat indexes. Mom and Jessie aren't a whole lot better, although Jessie is abnormally strong for her build...

Anyway, I am going to get everything ready for tomorrow and go to bed. I don't want to look like a zombie in the morning. Hopefully I will have good news in the job department soon...

new stuffffff

My sunburn is almost gone. It peeled really bad last week, and it's still kind of a purpley-red color, and it itches, but it is much better. I still look ridiculous, but whatever...

I have been working a lot lately, because I am very behind on bills. I didn't pay the last part of my rent until the 15th. I am finally starting to get caught up on my bills, but there are a lot of things coming up that I need a lot of money for, and I'm getting scared. I only have like $1.33 in my bank account, and I don't get paid until the 29th. And my paycheck isn't going to be fantastic because I only make minimum wage... So I am going to end up having to borrow money from my parents, and I do NOT want to do that. I have already borrowed $90 from David. I hate being poor.

I have been applying for jobs and sending resumes for the last two weeks, and I have gotten nothing but rejections so far. I am under-qualified for everything, because the only jobs I've ever had were food services or retail. It's frustrating, because I know that if I actually got an interview I would most likely get the job. I just wish people would give me the benefit of the doubt...

I just can't catch a break

I really hate my life. If it's not one thing, it's another.

This past week has been relatively symptom-free as far as my POTS is concerned, and on Monday, the fourth, I was actually able to hang out with my family all day OUTSIDE (this is a huge accomplishment) with little to no symptoms. Except I was an idiot, and didn't put sunscreen on my legs, so now they are so sunburned I can hardly move. They are incredibly swollen, and I have what appears to be the beginning of a blister on my right thigh. I have gone through almost a whole bottle of aloe and it doesn't really seem to be helping much beyond the actual application cooling my legs off momentarily. Cool baths help a little more, but they're extremely difficult to do, not to mention the fact that I freeze the whole time I'm in there. I have missed two days of work due to this already, when I really needed to be working so that I can pay rent on Friday (which is already three days past due...)... I have no idea how I'm going to pay rent, but I can't even move, let alone think about how I'm going to deal with that.

On top of all that, Jessie has an amoeba in her eye or something, so she has really needed me this week and I couldn't be there for her because I've been in so much pain myself. I feel like a huge letdown.

AND... David keeps telling me how me being sick all the time is bringing him down and making his life miserable and what not, and that is making me feel even more miserable than I already do. I finally told him last night that some days I wish he weren't in my life because I feel like that might make my life easier. It went over better than I thought it would, but now I'm scared he's going to use it to break up with me and make it sound like it's what I wanted. (Which isn't true. I don't want to break up, I just want him to stop telling me how miserable I make him.) It's just super frustrating to deal with all this shit that's already going on with me and not have the support of the one who should be the most supportive. Especially considering my parents think I'm batshit crazy.

Anyway, I'm trying to find jobs online right now, so I'm distracted. More later.