a new chapter in my life

I withdrew from school this last semester, and I didn't tell my parents about it. I'm not sure why I didn't tell them, because I really had every intention of doing so... I just got scared, and... couldn't... Well, they found out anyway, because my mom has access to my school records online. So now she is threatening to cut me off from all the monetary help she gives me, which, admittedly, is a lot. She paid for my school, my rent, my car insurance (and all other various insurances I have), my cell phone bill... basically all I paid for was my car payment, my utilities, and other random things like groceries and such. But if she cuts me off entirely, then I won't have health insurance at all, because there is no freaking way I am going to be able to afford that... I will have to get car insurance, which shouldn't be TOO outrageous because I have a clean record and a grandma car... I will have to sign my own contract for my phone, which I don't know if I can even do since they just signed one for me... I guess I will have to look into that... Not to mention RENT. I am glad David and I live in a semi-cheap duplex, but still, I don't have any clue where I am going to come up with the money for all of this. I really hope Jess ends up needing a place to stay this upcoming semester so that we can split the rent and utilities three ways instead of two... Also, probably the most frustrating thing of all, since I am not 23 and since my parents aren't abusive or drug addicts, I still have to put all of their tax information on the FAFSA, which means their income will be on there, which means I will not be entitled to any help from federal student loans whatsoever because they made too much money in 2008. Awesome. So even though I will be paying for my own school, the government wants to know how much my parents made in 2008 and then is going to screw me with it. Basically what this means is that I need to go take out a loan from somewhere else... like a bank, or a credit union, or a millionaire, or something. I just don't know if I will be able to get approved for something like that since I make, like, no money; I am sure my credit score is crappy; and I have nothing saved up. I literally opened a savings account YESTERDAY for the first time, ever. It has $25 in it. Sweet.

If my mom is serious about cutting me off altogether she better not claim me on her taxes. I will be so pissed if she does. Because that will mean I won't get a very big tax return back. If I claim myself, I should get more... or at least I think. Probably not though, because on all my W2s and what not that I have filled out I have put that someone else can claim me as a dependent... fuck I don't know. I have no clue how this works. I am so pissed off and frustrated, mostly because everything is all up in the air right now. I wish she would just clarify one way or the other what she is going to do. AND THEN FUCKING HELP ME. I am willing to do what I have to do, but I have never done most of these things before, and it would be nice if she would at least let me know what I have to do to get things done.

FUCK. Now I am all pissed off again. This whole situation is fucking retarded.

Could today be worse?

Of course it could, but it still sucks...

-- I thought David and I could ride to school together, but he actually has class at 10 and I have class at 9, so that was out. That wasn't such a big deal...

-- I put my cell phone in my pocket right before I left for class, and then it was gone. Vanished. And of course it was on silent, so I couldn't find it when David called it. Finally, like 10 minutes after I should have already left for class, I found it.

-- Then as I was walking across the grass toward my car, David opened the door and asked me if I needed to take my dentist's notes to class with me today. Well, yes, I did. So I had to once again go back inside to get not only those, but two other notes I needed for class today.

-- As I was finally walking to my car 15 minutes later than I should have, my phone battery let me know that it was dying. Awesome. My car charger doesn't work, so now I have no phone for the day.

-- I didn't get to campus until 10 til my class was supposed to start, which was probably enough time to get to class, but I was already so upset that I didn't go. Which I now feel bad about...

-- The other class that I have today is with this kid Brian who always gives me trouble for not going to class. If he says one word to me today about it I'm likely to slap him. Or yell at him, and he will think I'm some kind of crazy bitch.

-- My tooth is still killing me. I had a frappuccino from Starbucks and I guess its coldness was not a good idea. I want to go home and sleep until the pain goes away, but I told my cell biology professor that I would give him my doctors' notes today, so I have to go.

-- David is getting very fed up with me. I don't have sex with him enough, so he is getting very irritated. I try to tell him that I don't want to have sex with anyone, not just him, but I don't think that makes him feel any better. I'm beginning to think that he would be better off if he found someone else that could do the things that he wants, because right now that person is not me. I wish I could be, but I can't.

-- I am in a computer lab on campus. Of all the open computers in this lab, these two girls had to sit directly next to me. Not good computer lab etiquette. And the one directly next to me keeps looking over at my computer screen. BITCH.

a little more about me

When most people sit down to write something about themselves, they use words like "average" and "normal". Well I'm not. I'm not normal, or average, or ordinary in any way. I'm like no one you know. I pride myself on being independent and in control of my life.

I am a control freak. The only way I willingly allow others to be in control is if I trust them to do things the right way.

I am very confident in myself and my abilities. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I know my limitations.

I am an extremely fast learner, and I will try almost anything once.

I tend to get what I want out of life; not because I'm spoiled, but because I work hard to get it.

I am brutally honest. I couldn't lie my way out of a paper bag. I have a hard time taking anything from anyone that I feel I don't deserve because I feel like it's dishonest.

I love laughing. It is so cleansing. A good sense of humor is something my close friends and significant others MUST possess to keep me around.

I tend to surround myself with people who are intelligent. Ignorance and stupidity frustrate me. I realize that this sounds mean, but I don't care. Nearly everyone has the ability to learn. I don't expect everyone to be a college graduate, but don't speak English like it is your second language (unless it is of course).

I feel like I am meant to do something great with my life. I don't want to have some job where I don't affect anyone. I want to affect lots of people, in a positive way. I have had several people tell me that I should write a book, and I am starting to actually consider it.

I need a bit of drama and excitement in my life. Monotony makes me so frustrated. I like for things to change, to surprise me, to make me think. I like to be busy, but not so busy I don't have any down time.

On the other hand, I like organization. I understand that these two things sound like opposites, but they really aren't. I like spontaneity but I also makes lists for everything. I like books to be organized by height, or clothes to be washed in a certain order, but I can let things go very easily. It seems contradictory, but for some reason, it's not.

I love to read. I will read anything about nearly any topic. I am not religious by any means, but I still love to read about religion because I like to be knowledgeable about it. I prefer nonfiction, but I do like some classics. I LOVE Dracula by Bram Stoker. But I mostly prefer reading things that make me laugh, like I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. (It's a great book by the way; you should read it if you haven't.)

I have the most insane medical history ever. I had shingles at 20! I manage to catch the most obscure diseases, but I don't think I have ever had the flu, and I hardly ever get a cold.

I believe that every phenomenon in this world has a scientific reason behind it. I understand that many people do not agree with me, and I am not going to argue with anyone about it (unless you want to argue, then I'd be okay with it). I like science because I can see facts and evidence for almost everything. I am a see-it-to-believe-it type of person. But I don't look down on anyone for being religious or for believing in something other than science. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, of course.

This is just a little about me. Soon I will write more about things that have happened in my life, or things that are currently happening.